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| Ok...something new....um...one more day of school left....relationships suck im sooo confused about some stuff and it sucks sooo badly and the one im talking about know what im talking about you have lied too much to me....i hate school soo much.... im a life guard now i work 31 1/2 hours a week....well thats all i have to say...there is your new post and everyone this is my last post for a very very long time im done with xanga i hate it...i dont know why i ever let someone make me one....so i will be talking to you all in person if you want to know something talk to me on yahoo.... | | |
| Ok.....sence no one knows whats goin on in my life ill make another post.....me and Natalie are "dating", i dont think thats what she wants...not with me anyway...but i have decided to try and stop worrying about it because that makes me feel this sick can be good for me.......what i mean by that is that i dont think the stress from the break up can be good for me if we are together great i will be sooooo happy if we arnt then thats what she wanted ill get over it eventually......God will allways be there and from what i can tell so will a lot of you...thank you soo much Ashley, Carmen(MY ALL TIME FAVORITE GIRL COUSIN), and everyone else who helped me and will continue to help.....i appreciate you alll sooooo much and love you all very much.... i hope none of you never have any problems like this but if you do im sure i can help you through it....i dont really know what all to say right now but thank yall sooo much and Natalie if you read this i do love you and i am happy being with you....i promise you that....but its up to you on whether you believe it or not or want to do anything with that.....i havent lied to you about anything and i wont.......but ill talk to you all later good bye and have a great 18 days left of school, not counting weekends, and 12 for senior, same thing about weekends.....BYE | | |
| hey again everyone.....everything is worse now.....Natalie thinks its pointless to stay with me because i messed up...she thinks she messes everything up and i deserve better but she is sooo completely wrong.....I am happy with her....and our problems that we have i want to work on no matter what they are....isnt that the point of a relationship to communicate and work out problems? I know what i have to do and i am goin to do it if shes give me a chance.....Natalie if you read this I am happy with you please believe me.... | | |
| Hi everyone, thanks for readin that last post now i have some things for you to think about and i want to hear your answers....here goes.....
Have you ever been so stressed out.......that you lose all sence of reason......soo stressed that you just dont know what to do.....i have slepted maybe three hours a night on a good night......
Have you ever been sooo scared .......that nothing seems real and everything goes the wrong way...that you try soo hard to do the right thing but the wrong thing is the first thing that seems right....that you lose all knowledge of people around you and feel completely and totally alone and worthless....that no one means what they say that even your parents are lieing to you about how they feel about you.....
Have you ever lost all sence of hope.......that there is someone for you.....that you are a like able person...that your friends are really your friends........that people who you think know you really dont.......
I have lost all of those trust doesnt really go well right now......im paranoid about everything.....right now I feel like me g/f hates me which i really really think she is thinking about breaking up with me......im not goin to pass algebra 2.....come 5:30 ill proly be single she said she has to tell me something and she wont tell me its not bad.....i have no hople, trust, and im loseing love......but what is love? does anyone REALLY know? or is it a made up feeling because everyone is scared of hate and figures if they lie to themselves enough they can beat it??? I am not suicidal or anything and i dont encourage death but i highly doubt id care if i died tonight.....I dont really think it would mean that much to me..... I know my life is like heaven to A LOT of people and im just whining and that im probably not being rational or logical...... but i dont care...... like i said im not suicidal i dont think i could kill myself....well i know i couldnt kill myself.......but I hope everyone is haveing a better year then I am....... keep matt midkiff's grandfather in your prayers and their family they really really need it.....thanks for listening again......bye bye | | |
| Hey everyone, ok im makeing a post for all of you who tell me to post. this wont be one like you were hopeing. I have had a stress headache sence saturday and it wont go away I have actually tried to take medacine, but like i said it doesnt work, i dont know what to do. Does anyone else ever think things or say things they dont mean while they are stressed because they think its the right thing when it really isnt? I havent been myself lately there is so much goin through my mind and i dont talk to people so i cant let it go....Im thinking sooo many things right now and its killing my head....things about school, friends, church, summer, weekends, and relationship. I have a great girlfriend dont get me wrong she is the sweetest person in the world and the most beautiful in the world to me.....but i dont know what is wrong with me and i dont think she likes it either.....lots of stress there......and school is great if you took out algebra two i am failing that class with not much hope to pass it and i cant take it next year my parents are forceing me to take it this summer......im sooo worried about that because i want a job to help my parents out....i do what i can to get odd jobs to pay for gas and stuff i need not nessicerily what i want....i dont go to movies and i dont rent movies much i dont bye much that i want it goes to gas......but school other then algebra two i have nothing lower then an 86 and that the only 80 grade i have the rest are 90 93 and 100 that i can remember....but guys please pray for me i could really use it and the only person i think can really help me now is God........Ive really gotten away from him and I'm not goin to my social group church.....clicks(SP?) are soo 9th grade...i mean really i thought we grew up a little but i gues not.....its one thing for a girl to go to church with a "Whore" reputation because she is trying to start a new life....but at our church they go to pick up guys......i cant be the only one who notices this stuff and dont think im saying that im perfect becuase i have plenty of skeletons in my closet to keep people busy talking about me for weeks.....so if your still readin this then...well you are really bored....but please pray for me and more importantly my church and the people who realy are trying to get closer to god and those who havent quite found him yet...but if you get around to it or have nothing better to do then pray for me....but ill talk to you all later.....
PS- Im still NUMBER 1 in frisbee golf i had a perfect game the other day. well ill talk bye bye everyone thanks for readin sorry it was so boreing.... | | |
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